Where are you Mr. Right?

How many rejections must I take...How many years will I wait...How many broken relationships must I endure to finally meet the right one?

Sometimes...I just get fed up with all that's happening in my life particularly with my lovelife. Why can't I find the one that is meant for me? I refuse to accept that I am not goodlooking and this self-esteem issues are way jurassic. But everytime I get rejected, doubt slowly creeps in. Slowly nibbling away my ego like a slow but painful death. Most of the time, I can survive the ordeal, but sometimes, it gets its way in and over my defenses and overwhelms me and I become shitty like this. Damn! What's worse is that it's hard to get myself out from this miserable lot.

I try to motivate myself that someone will come soon, that for once in my life all the decisions I have made will ultimately lead me to the one right one and then my pathetic existence will be a thing of the past, it gets easy at first. But then reality sets in and boom! I am really miserable.

So what is my cure? I distract myself. But my coping mechanism is somewhat ineffective. The fastest way for me to recover is for me to have casual meet ups and get high over sex. speed up the dating process. etc. etc. I get that its not a good choice but do I have any choice? I mean the other options would take me forever to heal and I don't want that. I want the fastest way to forget because I have this certain predilection of tormenting myself. Bad me. (sigh)..........

Just freaking come out Mr. Right One! I'm about to lose my screws and bolts here waiting for you. Geez.

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I wonder what happened to you...because every now and then you cross my mind...and I can't keep my mind from thinking beyond the box...from what should be...and when that happens...I instantly become morose...I am still grateful...for the past...and I'd be grateful still if I even crossed your mind too...but I can't be like this forever...I cannot wait for you all my life...because if it's not you...then someone else will come...and somehow I will regret that...because deep within me...I am sure...it is you I want...and no one else...but just like what I said...I wont expect...that's the least I'd do...regretful maybe...but sad is more exact...I can never hate you nor think bad of you...even if I have reason to doubt you...I just can't...so...I wait...patiently...until my thread snaps...I'd be stuck in inanity and wishful thinking...until I become enlightened.

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A letter to YOU

Hey YOU,

I guess after YOU have read this letter many questions run through your mind. Well, many questions clog my mind too. So we're like the same. But I don't think those questions are not meant for me to answer.

But before anything else, I gotta say that I am happy. Many people say a lot about the things, and events that happened in my life but I don't blame them. It's natural for people, especially those close to our hearts to meddle in our affairs. They may affect the way I decide on things but it's still me who gets to decide after all.

I esteem your perseverance. Your study habits I'd like to adopt but unfortunately I can't hehehe or I wont try. YOUr dedication to your studies is simply admirable.

I am happy that I still get to meet YOU every once in a while. My friends say, "here we go again" but I digress. I don't know the reasons behind the way things happen and I don't care , for if I begin to delve deeper into the reasons behind, when I bringing myself to understand why things are, the more it becomes unfathomable, the more it becomes complex. It kills the mojo if you know what I mean. That's why as much as possible, I never try to rationalize. Just be content that's all. So I am content of what I have right now. No expectations, no hassle. So as long as you want me to be in your life, I'll be there. No questions asked. And if YOU decide to go and move on, I'll still be okay.

And another thing, I wanna say thank YOU. I know you have a great heart. YOU may never know but YOU are a part of the great tapestry of people who weaved my personality. It's cliche though to say "never change" coz that's impossible. So instead just be who YOU are. coz no matter who you become I'd still be down with it. (Just don't be an asshole or I'll be gone before you know it hehe)

Always,

Paul

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The MAN Gospel

I'd like to share a post that caught my attention. I want to let this serve as a reminder, for myself, especially now that I encounter crossroads and roadblocks more often, and for others too. Read on.

If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away.
If he doesn't want you, nothing can make him stay.

Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior.
Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that's not meant to
be.
Slower is better.
Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly
happy.
If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you
deserve
then heck no, you can't "be friends".
A friend wouldn't mistreat a friend. Don't settle.
If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is.
Don't stay because you think "it will get better."
You'll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not
better.
The only person you can control in a relationship is you.
Avoid men who've got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women.
He didn't marry them when he got them pregnant, why would he treat you
any
differently?
Always have your own set of friends separate from his.
Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you.
If something bothers you, speak up.
Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
You cannot change a man's behavior.
Change comes from within.
Don't EVER make him feel he is more important than you are...even if he
has
more education or in a better job.
Do not make him into a quasi-god.
He is a man, nothing more nothing less.
Never let a man define who you are.
Never borrow someone else's man.
If he cheated with you, he'll cheat on you.
A man will only treat you the way you ALLOW him to treat you.
All men are NOT dogs.
You should not be the one doing all the bending...compromise is a two
way
street.
You need time to heal between relationships...there is nothing cute
about
baggage...
Deal with your issues before pursuing a new relationship.
You should never look for someone to COMPLETE you...
a relationship consists of two WHOLE individuals...
look for someone complimentary...
not supplementary.
Dating is fun...
even if he doesn't turn out to be Mr. Right.
Make him miss you sometimes...
when a man always know where you are, and you're always readily
available to
him
- he takes it for granted.
Never move into his mother's house.
Never co-sign for a man.
Don't fully commit to a man who doesn't give you everything that you
need. Keep him in your radar but get to know others.

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I should move on......

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