Where are you Mr. Right?

How many rejections must I take...How many years will I wait...How many broken relationships must I endure to finally meet the right one?

Sometimes...I just get fed up with all that's happening in my life particularly with my lovelife. Why can't I find the one that is meant for me? I refuse to accept that I am not goodlooking and this self-esteem issues are way jurassic. But everytime I get rejected, doubt slowly creeps in. Slowly nibbling away my ego like a slow but painful death. Most of the time, I can survive the ordeal, but sometimes, it gets its way in and over my defenses and overwhelms me and I become shitty like this. Damn! What's worse is that it's hard to get myself out from this miserable lot.

I try to motivate myself that someone will come soon, that for once in my life all the decisions I have made will ultimately lead me to the one right one and then my pathetic existence will be a thing of the past, it gets easy at first. But then reality sets in and boom! I am really miserable.

So what is my cure? I distract myself. But my coping mechanism is somewhat ineffective. The fastest way for me to recover is for me to have casual meet ups and get high over sex. speed up the dating process. etc. etc. I get that its not a good choice but do I have any choice? I mean the other options would take me forever to heal and I don't want that. I want the fastest way to forget because I have this certain predilection of tormenting myself. Bad me. (sigh)..........

Just freaking come out Mr. Right One! I'm about to lose my screws and bolts here waiting for you. Geez.