My First Tattoo

>> Friday, November 20, 2009

So, after so many years of contemplating when to get a tattoo and looming over a thousand designs, I finally get the chance to have the tattoo done. So why the circle? I chose Enso (Japanese name for circle) because I thought, the simplicity and the meaning behind it is just perfect for a tattoo. According to the ever reliable Wikipedia, it symbolizes enlightenment, strength, elegance, the universe, and the void. It can also symbolize the Japanese aesthetic itself.

So what was it like? well at first it was really, and I say, REALLY painful. Just imagine slicing your skin with so many blades, that is tantamount to the feeling you get when your being tattooed, but you can bear the pain. you just have to concentrate I guess or meditate.

So we decided to meet after duty, about 2pm yesterday, and from the hospital we went to my colleague's apartment to do the tattoo session there. Toti, the one doing the tattoo, was a friend of my colleague. He was nice and his strokes are impeccable. I was actually thinking of having another tattoo with him as my tattoo artist.

We were drinking vodka whilst the tattoo commenced. I should say, the vodka helped a little to distract me from the pain. The session expired after about a couple of hours. We decided to eat some porksilog after. We talked about an hour more, relishing the experience.

It still hurts, but it's worth it. Nothing compares to the fulfillment you get when it's done. I am now planning to have my second tattoo but not for now I 'll settle with my enso. Maybe next year I'll have my next tatt.

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The Conjurer:WIP part 1: the characters

>> Tuesday, September 8, 2009

So I've been meaning to start on this project for soooo long, and just now I decided to start working the plot forward. I have been stuck at developing the mythology of the elder days of my story, unfortunately I have noticed that the mythology is getting to vast already and I thought that I would never finish the present if I focus on the past/history. Forgive me if the plot seems disconnected at times, because this is still a WIP (work in progress). So here goes nothing...

First with the characters...

Main Character/s:
Eldaron - the main protagonist. The High Conjurer (Aesahir) half Masai-half human. A descendant of a royal lineage. Son of Galdor (high king of the Masai) and Midea (queen, a human), they live in Ife, the holy city near the lake Erea. He lost his father and mother when he was still an infant from the assassination attempt of the high priest Sahadrin to his father. He was transported to Carhendrel*, a city lying in the border of Fayen and Kalimdor, by his mother using a portal. He was then found by Worfina and Mattheus, a trader, and was raised as their own son. He grows as an adolescent together with Ardon his brother (real son of Mattheus and Worfina). But then an incident kills his foster parents and brother by a band of mercenaries hired by Xenomius (a tyrant king of Zygaria) to retrieve an artifact, the mirror of Ashan. He then swore revenge for the murder of his family and was filled with hate and malevolence which in turn triggered his power which awakened Sihattu, the uluri* governing death and decay. Nothing was spared from his onslaught except one mercenary who escapes to tell Xenomius of the man who can conjure the Ulurei. Xenomius learns of the power that belonged to the ancient race of the Masai and sets on a hunt for Eldaron.

Galdor - high king of the Masai, father of Eldaron. Keeper of the shard, or the broken "Ki"* or the tablet of destiny and its secrets. The high priest envied his knowledge of the "Ki" and in turn planned for his assassination which became successful.

Midea - queen of the inhabitants of Ife, the holy city upon the lake Erea, wife of Galdor. A human that belonged to a mighty lineage of humans that first fought wars against the evil god Malkut. She was among the first humans to set foot upon Ife and heeded the call of the god Ennugi that was then called "the gathering" when the gods descended upon Khaldun to bring the Ki.

Sahadrin - the high priest of the brotherhood. The antagonist. After killing the high king he escapes Ife, and conceals his identity. He becomes Rasuman, the chief executor of the tyrant king, Xenomius. An executor is a chief counsel of the king. Leader of the order of mages of the high council. He is a servant of the evil god Malkut. The evil god bent him to retrieve the broken shards of the Ki, for when put together the "doom of the gods"* will be lifted from Khaldun and use the Sakkuth* (the truth of the universe) to destroy all of creation.

Secondary Characters:

Lady Caliope - a seer that belonged to a tribe of warrior women, the Gaur*. They do not have men in their tribe but kidnaps men every mating season, to mate with them to have offsprings. They are a tribe of seers, druids and warriors. Every seer is accompanied with a warrior (called a guardian) for it is believed that seers are weak. Profession is determined at birth by a ritual called the ordination. Her guardian is Helme, a warrior ordained at birth to accompany her. Seers draw strength from their guardians. Unlike oracles who directly speak to the god Ahmun (fate), seers see through the omens of the threads of fate. They will join Eldaron in his quest of completing the Ulurei to defeat Sahadrin when Eldaron saves them from an ambush from the dark mages of Suram.

Helme - the guardian of Caliope, who develops love for the seer. In their tribe, anything more than a seer-guardian relationship is forbidden. When the high council founds out of their romantic relationship, they were banished from their tribe. It was then that Caliope saw through her divination of a man that will bring them salvation, Eldaron, and they must help him finish his quest.

Gohn - a barbarian from the north (Snorri), belonging to a tribe of barbarians, the arganta. He is on a mission to kill Xenomius, the king tyrant of Zygaria. His tribe was almost wiped out in the invasion of Zygaria during the great expansion* including his parents. He rides for Zygaria but falls prey from a band of Xenomius' assassins in Assad, but was saved by Eldaron and Helme in a rendezvous in Nakir. He owes Eldaron his life and swears his allegiance to him and promised him aid in completing his quest till the end.

Morwen - a druadanu (elf). He is the son of the high king of the hidden kingdom of Qalludin. He seeks the "godbane" for which their oracle prophesied will be the one to destroy the world. The druadanu are hard ( like the bark of a tree) and pale-skinned. They live in the forests of Khaldun and has the power to control nature. He learns that Eldaron is the godbane and joins him in his quest to befriend him and earn his trust so that he can execute his plan on killing him to put an end to the prophecy, but in the end, he will have to choose between friendship and his real mission.

Menelthor - a necromancer from the northeast (Argath), the bloodlands. A desolate place where the bloodmages (damudar) and necromancers (mulkassa) reign. He loses his power in a duel with his rival Allut. Because of the humiliation he exiles himself from his tribe. He embarks on a quest to find the legendary bloodstone* (damulith) to regain his power and dignity back.

Landon - A blade master from Myr (Essyth). He belongs to the last line of the blade masters. of the south. In the invasion of Zygaria in Essyth, he swore allegiance to his king, to defend Essyth from the invaders. He leads a band of warriors to the sea to stop the invaders from ever setting foot to Essyth but was ambushed by a hoard of assassins and dark mages. His battleship capsizes and he somehow loses his memory. He wakes at a beach in Suyam in Fayen and from there learns of a hero, Eldaron, who saves their town from an invasion from Zygaria. He decides to join them and follows them. He will become the guardian of Eldaron and eventually falls in love with him.

Supplementary Info:

Carhendrel - a neutral city bordering the provinces of Kalimdor and Fayen. The state of Carhendrel is famous for it is the only place in all Khaldun that is devoid of magic. Surrounded by the 3 Arken stones, nothing of magical origin can penetrate the area. The arken stones, according to legends came from the sky, that separated into three rocks. Carhendrel was once the center of magic in all of Khaldun, a natural nidus of free flowing magic, in turn it was discovered that a gate of power existed in Carhendrel, a dark mage knew of this information and used it to open a gate to Nehir (infernal plane). A great battle was waged in Carhendrel and in the end, a wizard (believed to be a Masai) conjured the arken stones (it was actually Alludanu, the uluri governing meteor) from the sky. The gate was closed and the demon hoard was stopped and from then on the city became devoid of magic.

The Uluri - the spirits of Anu. They are also called the elder gods and the ancient ones. They are classified into the greater ulurei and the lesser ulurei. The greater ulurei, the first born, were Adun, the god governing destruction, and Naru, the god governing creation, they are also called the primeval powers, representing the cycle of birth and death. The lesser ulurei, represent the elements. They are , Isatu, governing fire, Anzu, water, Saru, Air, Kaquru, Earth, Araku, time, Kuppu, Ice, Rusundu, Mud, Nabu, Nature or forests, Birqu, lightning, Imhullu, storm, Ribu, earthquake, Duppuru, gravity, Isakuru, brimstone, Alludanu, meteor, Seru, light, Sillu, shadow, and Sihattu, death and decay. Their completion created Anu, the hollow structure where the gods (the vanunaki) created the planes. They are also called the chaos gods, for they are untamed. When the vanunaki were created, they locked the lesser ulurei into spheres called the Asahad. and used them to fashion Anu and create the planes. Since they cannot make the greater ulurei into sheres they made Naru sleep and created Erudin, the sleeping chamber and locked Adun in a durance, Ninkur, with the 8 seals of dominion. When the vanunaki were finished with their labors, and learned of the sakkuth, they envisioned the Ki, or the tablet of destiny. In the making of the Ki much of their powers went to it, including the Asahad or the lesser ulurei. Then Lahamu, king of the Vanunaki, descended upon Khaldun, in the lake Erea, to exalt with their creation. Little did they know of the plans of Malkut, the enemy of the vanunaki. And his vengeance was swift as he smote his malice into the Ki, the Ki was then shattered into pieces and was spread accross all of Khaldun. With the shattering of the Ki, a doom was then set forth into Khaldun. That whenever the gods shall descend upon Khaldun, they will be stripped off their powers and shall age and rot like mortals. the gods then ascended to Dilmun (abode of the gods) and Malkut into Nehir (infernal plane). but the Ki remained in Khaldun. It was then prophesied that the gathering of the shattered pieces of the Ki shall lift the doom of the gods and the wielder of the completed Ki shall attain immense power (sakkuth).

Ki - the tablet of destiny. the power of the gods in physical form. It is also called the divine law. It is believed that when the ki was made a great power went to it that it was terrible to behold. It represented the collective soul of the gods. and from then on all of malkut's strength went on pursuing to destroy it.

Doom of the Gods - WIP

Gaur - WIP

The great expansion - WIP

Damulith (bloodstone) - WIP

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>> Monday, September 7, 2009

I'm stuck making the plot of my novel/story...the mythology is somewhat immense and making the history from beginning to the middle of the story as a background is making my head throb. I think I need help, I need suggestions. Maybe I'll post the gist of my story here soon...

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>> Monday, August 31, 2009

It is true that weariness waxes and wanes just like the moon. Just like a thief, it comes swiftly. But as time goes, you get an immunity from it. These hormones are just crazy, they surge then curb down. Sometimes I get lonely, then I bounce up, then fall again into loneliness. What the fuck! Just insane...

I really don't like this 8-day straight of work...tiring. But there's nothing that I can do, I can't even whine because I agreed to this. grrrr...

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Doomed

>> Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Why is it that when I see a guy I had a past with, and he is happy with a relationship, I think about myself and I become resentful. Angry. Insecure. Jealous. I always ask "why does it have to be me that is always unlucky?" Is it really hard to find love? Am I doomed to be single for the rest of my life?

My friends say that I am choosy, but I always say, "Do I need to lower my expectations?" Do we need to ignore the spark, and just consider the first one who comes even if you don't feel anything for them? Hmmm...

I always try to avoid conversations like this with myself. For I know this will only lead me to a swirling downward path. I don't want to be miserable and resentful. But sometimes no matter how high I set my defenses to be, misery finds a weak spot and then it all crumbles down. No matter how fast I run away from it, weariness follows. I just want to be grateful but sometimes, pessimism gets a hold on me first. So how do I deal with it?

I try to get myself busy...

Working at SLHMC keeps me preoccupied for the mean time. But when I come home, boredom sets in and misery finds its way back. So keeping myself busy with work isn't really a good idea. So now, I am trying to keep myself busy with learning deutsche (german). Hopefully this will work. I just hope I don't get distracted again.

I remembered I made I poem about this...

where thou is love?
I traversed the plains and deeps of this life
and yet failed to see
to feel this estranged bliss
of what they say is love
I did of long time ago
felt bliss but not too long
it came to be an illusion
for I was but fooled into this
world of chance
where you gamble your life
and nothing makes sense

But I would never give up
for there is a time
that will come
where someone shall cross my path
and there begin to change
this bitter feeling towards love

I can but hold on
but for how long
can I wait?
For the fear ever grows in my heart
where doubt is a hidden shadow
that slowly cloaks in my impatience
how long will I wait for you my love?

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Choosing a path...

>> Sunday, August 2, 2009

It has been a long time since I last wrote here in my blog and I feel that I have missed a lot. So, what have been keeping me busy these days? Work..work and work. I am now training in the Emergency Room at Southern Luzon Hospital and Medical Center. So I have completely forgotten James, but what he did may still be here, but it will remain only as a string of memory and nothing more.

So I have been training for two weeks now at SLHMC and I can say that I have learned a lot from my training. Its hard to be content with SLHMC because my service is not yet paid and it's incredibly far from my house, but I have to force myself to be content. I have no choice, that is what I used to say to myself. But now, suddenly God opens a window, two windows in fact.

Last Last Thursday, I was surprised when my mother told me that Philippine Heart Center called, I was scheduled for an interview, HR deliberation they called it. Well, it was a panel interview, and it was nerve-racking. The interviewers were all serious-looking and were examining my every move and body language. But I survived it. I said in the end whatever happens I would not regret what I said and how I answered every question thrown at me. Pass or fail whatever outcome, I would still feel proud of myself because I made it that far.

Now, about the next window, my aunt told me last Saturday that another hospital, BiƱan Doctors Hospital, will call for my scheduled exams this coming Wednesday. Whoa! I said, now after about so much wait, God has given me two paths to choose and now I am afraid to make the same mistake again and choose the wrong path. Though I know somehow that God sometimes makes the right path hidden to the naked eye, He, most of the time leaves clues for us to see through the veil that obstructs our true path. So where's the clue? hmm.. I think I know. Grateful. ^_^

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>> Monday, June 29, 2009

I have decided today to move on. I have completely ignored my ego just to woo James but to no avail he is just not interested anymore. I cannot let myself be humiliated again anymore. It is really hard to keep myself sane especially when I'm alone here at home. I am in constant war with my own thoughts, as I keep my paranoia at bay. Thoughts like, "is it my fault?", "what's wrong with me?", "why haven't I figured it out in the first place?", "maybe I'm too thin.", "maybe I'm effeminate for him." and so on and so forth.

I have been wallowing in my anger, despair and regret for two days now, and it is somehow sapping my energy. I'm tired of thinking, I'm tired of moving, I am tired of finding him.

I search in the chaos of my mind and find regret to be the most palpable. It is really difficult to let go. What's funny though is that I have genuinely felt this strong emotion for a guy I don't personally know yet. How many times had this happened before? Do I never learn? How can this happen? I constantly find myself breaking my rules, my beliefs, taking my words against myself just to win over a guy I really like. But like some unstoppable force of nature, almost always that guy doesn't like me back.

I cannot say that I want to quit, because I can't. In this journey on finding love, one's path is only forward. Many times we are taken aback, but we tread on, forward, until we reach the dead end, where the right person awaits. The path maybe long, torturous and tiring but maybe it's worth it. No, this is not my sorry futile attempt to feel good about feeling bad.

The hole that he left only made me stronger and wiser. I am not yet ready for redemption and maybe even forgiveness, not now or in the immediate future. I must let time heal me first.

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