Tolkienreader's Online Journal: August 2008

Exciting News

>> Thursday, August 14, 2008

I recently received my eligibility to take the NCLEX exam, and I felt suddenly excited at the thought of me going through the whole process, though I am a bit worried because I might make mistakes. Mistakes would mean big bucks lost. Surely I don't want to repeat the registration process again. I hope I can get through all of these and pass the exam in the end.

Increase your technorati authority

>> Friday, August 8, 2008

Here is a way to increase your technorati authority posted by Trestin. For the whole process check his blog here.

1. BLOGGER IDEAS
http://trestinideas.blogspot.com/

2. NATHOLOGY
http://nathanlawis.blogspot.com/

3. TRESTIN HOME
http://trestinmeacham.blogspot.com/

4. Sound Libraries by Discovery Sound
http://samplecds.blogspot.com/

5. World Ethnic Sample CDs
http://discoverysound.blogspot.com/

6. TRESTIN HISTORY
http://trestinhistory.blogspot.com/

7. LDS STUFF
http://ldsstuff.blogspot.com/

8. Super Space Cowboy
http://superspacecowboy.blogspot.com/

9. TRESTIN POLITICAL
http://trestinpolitical.blogspot.com/

10. Jill's Grumbles
http://jillsgumbles.blogspot.com/

11. Trestin Sports
http://trestinsports.blogspot.com/

12. Flotsam and Jetsam
http://iamtolkienreader.blogspot.com/

13. ASK TRESTIN
http://asktrestin.blogspot.com/

14. PASS IT ON PLATES
http://passitonplatesblog.blogspot.com/

15. TRESTIN ADVENTURES
http://trestinlife.blogspot.com/

16. BIG MONEY LIST
http://bigmoneylist.blogspot.com/

17. PARNELL FOREVER
http://trestinparnell.blogspot.com/

18. Hangukblogger
http://hangukblogger.blogspot.com/

19. TRESTIN STORE
http://trestinstore.blogspot.com/

20. John Spence Blog
http://johnspence.com/blog/

21.TRESIN HALL OF FAME
http://trestinhalloffame.blogspot.com/

Join us and spread the word!

Diablo III official gameplay footage from Blizzard

About two days ago my cousin and I learned from a forum that the rumor is true, that Blizzard is making the sequel to Diablo II. The cinematic trailer and the gameplay footage is just awesome to behold. I really can't wait to play this game. Here is the gameplay footage from Blizzard. Enjoy!

and the second part...

Read or Die

Yesterday My cousin, Yen, brought home this new anime I thought was just crap, until I watched it. Well, it was not that awesome (not like Rebuild of Evangelion which deserves another entry here in my blog) but it can surprise the viewer. The exposition of the plot is sluggish but the author (Hideyuki Kurata) used it to its advantage as it will make the viewer hooked till the whole season is finished. Read or Die involves three paper masters, as the name implies, the three can literally control paper, strengthen it as hard as metal, make paper-mache-like creatures, and form a bow or arrow with it. The whole plot and story can be read at wikipedia if one is interested at knowing its background, story and characters. I recommend this anime to all anime lovers out there. This one is entertaining.

Gibberish

It has been a while since I last wrote something here in my blog. Summer is really over us. Its so hot here and humid I always wish I am in some beach in Palawan or Cebu, but really I can't, because I still don't have work and it makes me sad really. Sometimes I think, maybe I messed it up big time, but then again, what is important is that whenever we fall, we rise up again and learn from our mistakes. (I think I have said this before) I am never good at talkin because most of the time, Its hard to practice what I preach and makes me not credible to talk about something. I just want to blurt it all out here (this is my blog after all, and I can say whatever I feel saying). I am tortured everyday of deciding to take sides. Choosing a right path is always difficult for most of us but it is more difficult for me, because I am somewhat afraid of making mistakes (My friends call me a perfectionist, but its an understatement really. I am well aware that nothing is perfect in this world, but we can strive to be one that is close to perfection). Should I go for another secondary hospital that is below standard just to gain experience or go for a tertiary hospital and gain quality experience but then again, should I choose to go to a tertiary hospital, I will be faced with so many hurdles to tread on to. The mere fact of this difficulty defeats my purpose everytime I get on the verge of deciding to apply on a tertiary hospital. This maybe is shallow compared to other problems that bug the universe, but I guess, somehow I am well aware that this problem is causing too much of a fuss because I have to decide on something major, something that will affect me for the rest of my life.

I know soon I will know what to choose. I just hope it comes sooner.

Happy Birthday Aizel!!

Last wednesday, Aizel (a friend since highschool) celebrated her birthday in advance, we (but more of them) decided to celebrate it at a resort near here. It was fun, especially we get to see a long lost friend, JM, it's good to see her again, plus, Gina is there also, after giving birth to her first baby, its a breath of fresh air to see her after her delivery. Here are some of the pictures taken at the event.

Aizel has an awful body (kidding) JM left so soon, so she's not here in the picture.

What's with the model posing?

JM (wearing green polo shirt) got too excited, Mae (on the middle) shows her asset.

Where was I looking?

A second take of the first picture.

A happy moment pose. An unforgettable moment like this deserves an entry in my blog. This summer started good, I know the rest will be as good, my friends make me believe so.

I would like to say thanks to Gina for uploading the pictures. Now on with the blogging thing.

Luv luv luv

The first time I heard this song at Imeem.com, I fell in luv. Ever since I heard Ms. Janet Jackson's songs, I made myself a Janet Jackson fan. Now this song is about falling in love, now don't get me wrong I'm not in love with someone, I am just in love with the song and of course with Ms. Janet. She rocks! (^_^)

LUV

(Janet Jackson-Discipline Album)

I've been down this road before

I know it very well

And I just can't believe I've been struck

I didn't see it (comin')

I was (blindfolded)

I'm caught up in (collision)

And now I'm so done

You crept up like a spider

I got caught in your web

There was no way to escape

I tried to switch (my lanes)

But then I hit (my brakes)

Sparks turned into (flames)

I shoulda stopped at the red light 'cause

Now I'm like a deer caught in headlights

Ugh, he hit me with his love, love, love, love, love

He hit me with his (love)

And now I'm in love, love, love, love

Got me caught in a wreck, I'm a mess

Got me caught in a wreck, I'm a mess

Got me caught in a wreck

Somebody call the paramedics (love)

He hit me with his love, love, love, love

I was creepin' the road

Just knew I had control

So how did I end up gettin' hitI had on my (belt)

I checked it (myself)

So how in the (world) did I get caught

I had the right of way

I saw the sign you disobeyed(It was your fault)

I can't believe the way you wrecked into my heart

I think I should sue ya

I shoulda stopped at the red light 'cause

Now I'm like a deer caught in headlights

Ugh, he hit me with his love, love, love, love, love

He hit me with his (love)

And now I'm in love, love, love, love

Got me caught in a wreck, I'm a mess

Got me caught in a wreck, I'm a mess

Got me caught in a wreck

Somebody call the paramedics (love)

He hit me with his love, love, love, love

You caught me by surprise

I can't believe that I'm falling for this guy

Somebody call the cops 'cause I'm falling for that guy

You caught me by surprise

I can't believe that I'm falling for this guy

Somebody call the cops 'cause I'm falling for that guy

I shoulda stopped at the red light 'cause

Now I'm like a deer caught in headlights

Ugh, he hit me with his love, love, love, love, love

He hit me with his (love)

And now I'm in love, love, love, love

Got me caught in a wreck, I'm a mess

Got me caught in a wreck, I'm a mess

Got me caught in a wreck

Somebody call the paramedics (love)

He hit me with his love

He crashed into my heart

He crashed into my heart

Somebody call the paramedics (love)

He hit me with his love

He crashed into my heart

He crashed into my heart

Somebody call the paramedics (love)

He hit me with his love, love, love, love, love

Book Review: The Servant of the Shard by R.A. Salvatore

I have read this book a long time ago, but unfortunately I was'nt able to finish it because I listened from a bad critic from a cousin who owned the book. When the thought of making a novel of my own came to me, I decided to read it again from the start.

The novel was kinda confusing from the start, bombarding the reader with so many information on the characters and the lands of the forgotten realm. Now, if you are a novice to the forgotten realms then you'll wonder about it alot. But it's a mere scratch I should say, one can hit the wiki with all the information about it or continue on reading and focus with the story. The story-telling prowess of Salvatore is great and he enthralls readers with the complete detail of fight scenes in his novel. He remained true with the identities of the characters and the racial disparities, and the plot was wittingly devised. I can't wait to read the other two novels of a trilogy that tells the journey of the unusual alliance of Artemis and Jarlaxle. I give this novel four stars our of five.

Book Review: The Summoner (The Chronicles of the Necromancer Book 1) by Gail Z. Martin

Last sunday, I finally bought a copy of The Summoner after lots of searching at bookstores around. I was able to reserve myself a copy from the store too far from here. Fortunately they have this stock transfer procedure which is very helpful to bookworms who doesnt want to go the distance for a prized book, and I am helpful with the customer service clerk for her hospitality. Earlier I have finished reading the novel and I should say I was a bit disappointed.

I felt that the way the story is told has a certain attraction for children, teens and young adults alike. But I guess, I was expecting it to be more exciting and gripping as a fantasy as created for adults. The book is more than six hundred pages, and the entire read was somehow painfully prolonged. Indeed, Rowling has a younger target audience and harry potter's plot is somehow simple and yet her story-telling prowess is what makes her a great author, Martin could've done this, I know it is unfair to compare her to Rowling, but I guess she could've done better. A necromancer should be someone who has dark inclinations, but here in her book the summoner, the main protagonist, Martrys Drayke, is somewhat too much good-hearted to be someone who deals with the dead. There is too much talk and less combat, and the main protagonist's journey on finding his power and controlling it is somewhat too far yet to reach. I felt that the read was somehow like a sluggish train ride from the slopes to the top of the mountain, only it may take me years before I reach the summit. The book lacks the parts of a great novel in the making, it seemed to be lacking of a gripping conflict and a catastrophic climax at the end, even if it is a part of a series, because I think every book in a series should have one. I felt kinda short of this book, but over all I give it three stars out of five.

Writing in progress..

Four nights ago, an idea came to me while watching the movie "In the name of the King". I wanted to make a book, a fantasy novel set in a world of my imagination. Back in high school days I wrote a book, but eventually I had to give it up because I realized the plot was just disconnected and was not planned that much. There were so many loopholes that I had to abandon the story and I only got to the sixth chapter then. So what's different now? Well, last time the story was a sci-fi horror fiction, this time I wanted to make what I am passionate about, it's making a fantasy epic just like what Tolkien did. It took me three nights to start things up, and last night I started the backbone of the story. I am still writing the whole plot in progress and I am taking ideas from well renowned fantasy writers. I know its still too early to judge what will be the fate of this recent adventure of mine but I guess I am excited because I get to do something I am passionate about.

No Air

This song from Jordin Sparks and Chris Brown is phenomenal. I really liked it the first time I heard it. Its like they're whispering with their powerful voices, it's just so good to listen to. Here is the lyrics of the song in case you want to sing along while listening to it.

No Air

Jordin Sparks duet with Chris Brown

Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air

If I should die before I wake

It's 'cause you took my breath away

Losing you is like living in a world with no air

OhI'm here alone, didn't wanna leave

My heart won't move, it's incomplete

If there was a way that I can make you understand

But how do you expect me to live alone with just me

'Cause my world revolves around you

It's so hard for me to breathe

[Chorus]

Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air

Can't live, can't breathe with no air

It's how I feel whenever you ain't there

It's no air, no air

Got me out here in the water so deep

Tell me how you gon' be without me

If you ain't here, I just can't breathe

It's no air, no air

No air, air No air, air No air,

I walked, I ran, I jumped, I flew

Right off the ground to float to you

There's no gravity to hold me down for real

But somehow I'm still alive inside

You took my breath, but I survived

I don't know how, but I don't even care

But how do you expect me to live alone with just me

'Cause my world revolves around you

It's so hard for me to breathe

[Chorus]

Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air

Can't live, can't breathe with no air

It's how I feel whenever you ain't there

It's no air, no air

Got me out here in the water so deep

Tell me how you gon' be without me

If you ain't here, I just can't breathe

It's no air, no air

No air, air No air, air No air, air

No air, air

No more

It's no air, no air

[Chorus]

Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air

Can't live, can't breathe with no air

It's how I feel whenever you ain't there

It's no air, no air

Got me out here in the water so deep

Tell me how you gon' be without me

If you ain't here, I just can't breathe

It's no air, no air

[Chorus]

Tell me how I'm supposed to breathe with no air

Can't live, can't breathe with no air

It's how I feel whenever you ain't there

It's no air, no air

Got me out here in the water so deep

Tell me how you gon' be without me

If you ain't here, I just can't breathe

It's no air, no air

No air, air No air, air No air, air

No air, air

Hellboy's back!

Since I saw the trailer of Hellboy II: the golden army I can't help but to feel excited and all. So I searched the official website for all the news about it that I can find. It's sad that I have to wait for five months to see it, but well, I know the wait is worth because this is a Guillermo Del Toro film. GDT is by far a visionary, a director/writer/producer extraordinaire, and one of my favorites (obviously). For those of you who haven't seen the movie trailer, here it is.

Waking up

It's easier now to breathe. The answer I was searching for a long time finally came to me. This time I have made my decision. What I shared with this someone was just a dream and eventually I had to wake up. Its sad though, because it was such a wonderful dream, but dreams are just dreams, and so far from reality.

Dungeon Seige should stay as a game

Last night I was able to buy a dvd of "In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Seige Tale". I had high hopes for this movie, well, as a gamer, I have been seeing alot of ads about this movie. I expected it to be more than just the beautiful teasers, but to my dismay, it was a trying-hard-to-compare-itself-with-the-lord-of-the-rings movie. Well, it cannot be helped that recent fantasy movies are being compared to the Lord of the Rings, because, let's face it, Tolkien started it all. Maybe I am just looking for something fresh, unique and rich in plot or story. The movie obviously has a weak storyline, the plot cannot give justice to its richly rendered CGIs. The cast was good, their acting was good enough, but I was constantly looking for superb jaw-dropping battle scenes. Maybe if the story was compelling enough it would be different. Another thing would be the sound editing, it is just terrible and annoying. I thought when I bought this, it would be a feel good experience but I think Eragon was way better than this movie, to think that Eragon didn't make it to the box-office list of great movies. It failed to rouse my attention, so I give it a 1 and a half star, out of 5 stars.

Monster Attack

I was able to watch Cloverfield recently and all I can say is the camera is annoying. I wasnt able to see the monster all the time. Anyway, maybe the writers and the director really put it that way, the first person point of view is kinda unique, in that we do not see a lot of them especially in movies. Well, Doom was another first-person view movie, but it flapped the charts. I wonder if cloverfield followed the same path? Anyway, I give it a two and a half star out of five stars. (^_^)

Failure?? Nah ah

I recently tried applying for a job at a hospital a few minutes drive away from home. When I got there a not-so-hospitable attendant at the reception said that all applications for staff nurses are on-hold. I prepared for it for long and that's all I got? I didn't even stayed for a minute. Well, I felt sad ofcourse, who wouldn't feel sad? After that I returned home contemplating when and where to commense my application again. Anyway, I gotta move on, I better be, than stay and wallow on my misery.

Finally!

Finally, I get to talk to him again. After four days of no communication, its good to know that he is good and alive. Although, I am still confused, still its one thorn out of my back to know that he did not vanished without a trace. There are a lot of things that needs to be discussed with him, and I hope I get to deal with it all soon.

Vanishing Without A Trace

"How do you decide on something you are not sure of?" This question seem to perpetuate itself everytime I find myself alone. I can't find solace nowadays, since this someone came, everything changed. For three days, I brutally endured a seemingly endless pondering of what to do with all the despair and confusion I am going through. I wanted to decide on something, but when I want to put an end on my suffering, I seem to hold back to just wait, just for a moment, because maybe I'm analyzing this too much or I am wrong.

Since the beginning, when I met him, a certain fear grew in me. I had a prediction, somehow, I knew that somewhere along the road, there will come a time, that this would happen. That I must decide on something that will either end our relationship or continue on to the unknown. I tried to reason out everything to save what I feel for him, but to my dismay, everything I have and feel for him, is like my relationship with him. It seems that it is impossible to establish something out of something vague. There is nothing sure about long distance relationships. It is always hard to maintain. But is it through that kind of difficulty that a relationship is tested? Maybe, I am just thinking too much, or maybe I set my expectations too high, maybe there is nothing between us, nothing really is, maybe its just wishful thinking, but whatever the reason is, I cant seem to justify all of it, because the truth remains elusive. It is not wrong to have wishful thinking I guess, but what is important is that we have a grasp of understanding between reality and imagination, between what is enough and what is too much.

I thought somehow that I may be over analyzing this, I really want to give this another try, but for now what is clear and palpable to me is my focus. I need to distract myself from these unhealthy thoughts. The decision is still left for me to take, but I will find it soon I guess. I may founder and stumble, but it is on these circumstances that we become strong.

Hypnotic on my Heart

I never knew Gavin deGraw until this special someone told me to listen to his song "follow through" and I eventually fell in love with the song. Here is the lyrics of the song, and sing with me...

FOLLOW THROUGH

Gavin DeGraw

Oh, this is the start of something good

Don't you agree?

I, haven't felt like this in so many moons

You know what I mean

And we can build through this destruction

As we are standing on our feet

So, since you wanna be with me

You'll have to follow through

With every word you say

And I, all I really want is you

you to stick around

I'll see you everyday

But you have to follow through

You have to follow through

These reeling emotions they just keep me alive

They keep me in tune

Oh, look what I‘m holding here in my fire

This is for you

Am I too obvious to preach it

You're so hypnotic on my heart

So, since you wanna be with me

You'll have to follow through

With every word you say

And I, all I really want is you

you to stick aroundI'll see you everyday

But you have to follow through

You have to follow through

The words you say to me are unlike anything

That's ever been said

oh what you do to me is unlike anything

That's ever been

Am I too obvious to preach it?

You're so hypnotic on my heart

So since you wanna be with me

You'll have to follow through

With every word you say

And I, all I really want is you

you to stick around

I'll see you everyday

So since you wanna be with me

You'll have to follow through

With every word you say

And I, all I really want is you

you to stick around

I'll see you everyday

But you have to follow through

You have to follow through

You're gonna have to follow

Oh, this is the start of something good

Don't you agree?

Hierarchy Assault

Here's a look at a Heirarchy versus Masari gameplay from petrogamers.com. Enjoy!

Universe at War

I set my eyes upon this game the moment I saw the giant walkers (those giant tripods reminscent of steven spielberg's war of the worlds) only these are much more cooler and I fell in love with it. This is not your ordinary generic RTS game and Petroglyph (the makers of this game) assured that it will be different. The three alien races that you can control here are unique and that each has its own strengths and weaknesses, the heirarchy have their enormous radioactive walkers, the novus have their amazing networks and sheer numbers, and the masari can change into two forms depending on their use. I have an affinity for the heirarchy race, because they wreak havoc with those cool walkers. Suddenly I felt frustrated because I still can't play it yet because I still dont have a PC that can actually play this game in its optimum but then I thought, I will have this some time in the future I am sure of that. Meanwhile, here is the awesome opening trailer for Universe at War: Earth Assault. Did Steven Spielberg did this?

It Ain't Poetic Enough

Two days ago I translated a poem I made four years ago for a certain textfriend of mine. When I remember why I made it, it just feels corny. I was pretty immature back then. I tried my best translating my own poem, but I guess the tagalog version sounds more poetic than the translated one. Anyway, here it is in its original and translated form.

"Kaibigan Mo Lang"

Minsan sa daloy ng aking buhay

ika'y dumating at humalo sa agos

nang panahon ng buwan at my bituin

ika'y sumiksik

hinawi ang ulap at ang kadiliman

at doo'y sinimulan ang isang

bagong pagkakaibigan

Takot ako, parang naiwang kumakapa sa dilim

Duwag ako.

Katulad pa rin ng dati

sa giyera at unos

ng umaalimpuyong damdamin

Balisa sa bawat tawag mo

paghihintay sa bawat araw na lumipas

"First time mo?...Oo"

Patawd, isang malaking kasinungalingan

na kahit kailan ay di mo malalaman

Natuwa sa anyong pinapakita mo

sa bawat dagok nakaabang

upang saluhin ko

dahil kaibigan mo lang ako

nakontento na ako.

Inis, sa pagkukubli sa sarili

dahil takot ako

natakot ako sa kawalan

natakot akong iwanan mo ako.

Tinaboy kita sa pagaakalang

hindi kita kayang mahalin

isang anino ng aking kathang isip

Isang sugal na malinaw ang

aking pagkatalo.

Sinaktan kita.

Patawad.

Ngayon, masaya ka

kasama ng bagong mahal mo

Naiinis ako, naiinggit, nagsisisi

dahil isa ka lamang anino ng

aking kathang-isip.

Minsan sa ilang taong lumipas

hinakdawan mo ang dalwamput dalawang

taong alaala

ngunit kaibigan lang kita.

isang pirasong hiram sa aking isip

na hindi magtatagal

dahil kaibigan mo lang ako

ngayon nasa laot ka na

at ako'y nasa pampang.

Ninais kong mag-alay sayo

ng mga kahulugan at di ng mga salita

pagkat kulang ang mga salita

Malyo ka na

di maaninag

hahanapin ka mga matang nagaasam

ng mga taong katulad mo

dahil kaibigan mo lang ako.

Magtatagpo tayo

sa panahon na pumagitna sa atin

kasabay ng aking oyayi

at doon sasabihin

Paalam.

Dahil kaibigan mo lang ako.

Here's the translated version...

"Only Your Friend"

Once in the flow of my life

you came and mixed through the current

at the time of the moon and the stars

you persisted

parted clouds and shed light

and there began

our friendship

I was afraid I am left behind

I cower

like before

in the battle and the storm

of crashing emotions

Troubled whenever you call

I await the days that pass

"Is it your first time? yes."

Sorry

It will forever remain a secret.

Happy, with your every gesture

with every insult i await

to take willingly

because I am only your friend

and I am contented with it.

Annoyed for deceiving myself

because I was afraid

I was afraid of nothing

I was afraid of you leaving.

I shut myself thinking

that I cant love you

because you are only a figment of my imagination

a gamble with a clear defeat.

i hurt you.

I am sorry.

Now you are happy

together with your lover

I am annoyed, envious and regretful

because you are only

a figment of my imagination.

Once in a few years that passed

you leaped through twenty-two years

of memory

but you are only a friend

A peice that is only borrowed in my mind

that will soon vanish

because you are only a friend

Now you are at sea

and I am at shore.

I wanted to offer you

meanings and not words

because words are'nt enough

to express what i feel

You are now too far

fading in the horizon

my eyes will yearn for you

because you are only a friend.

We will meet

halfway

together with my lullaby

I shall say

Goodbye

because you are only a friend.

The Kiss of Ink to Paper

This is a poem I patterned from Gerald Feljandro Ramos' poem whom he wrote at the end of his article "Waters, wings, words and the Phenomenon of Goodbye." I made this on the 30th of October of 2005.

"The Kiss of Ink to Paper"

Once in the deepest darkest blue
you brought forth your misery
and your shadow swum my sea
right then I long to wipe your saline tears
for in the open dark
you have heard my song
and i wish it would last in memory
but like the sea that brought me forth
could not contain me in my longing
to step at the sand in which you stand
and become your shadow
even though I will wither each day
at the glaring truth of the sun
that I am of sea and you are of sand
if ever you wish that I be with you
know that I am here to kiss again
your soles and your worries away
for I too am the sea
in the quiet stillness I shall wait
Once in the deepest darkest blue.

Poetry

This is a poem I made ages ago. From now on I'll be publishing some of my poems here in my blog. I like to categorize this poem as "queer" and it is all about what guys like me play.

"The Game of Men"

He shall come to me
in my sleep
for we shall play a game
a game of fools
of spying and of hunting
and of pretending
being pure and clean
spite the shadow to everything

We shall play a game
a game of pain
of stabbing and of slithering
craving to stop
but then again to continue
for there is pleasure in pain
and with pain comes eternity

We shall play a game
a game of sorrow

of death and disappearance
where the heart is numb

for he shall but leave again
wilt not despair for this void
for i know

i shall play a game again and again
the game of men.

Resolve

Life holds no promises to what will come our way. It makes no guarantees as to what we will have. It just gives us time- to make choices and to take chances.

I received this quote from my classmate. She sent it as a text message. I felt something while reading it earlier. An epiphany came, that this time I have to make a choice, no matter how difficult it is, no matter how it sucks accepting that all the planning I have deliberately pondered on so much for weeks or even months are just ruined and I have no idea where my choices will take me.

I just have to let myself be caught in the drift and wonder on later where the drift will take me when I am already there. I know somehow that wherever this drift will take me, its for a good reason. Whether it be good or bad, there's always an explanation why I was taken there. All I have to do is to stand by it, and be proud that I made a choice and that I stepped out of my bubble once and for all.

Desperation

This is an excerpt from my journal written January 25, 2008. This is a reply from my blog "Uncertainty". Here it is...

"Earlier i found out through Marison that our application at PHC is still hanging. She called and she found out that those that applied last january 2007 was still being processed, so far from the date we applied which is october of that same year.
I felt sad when i learned from Marison the bitter truth. I felt as if my knees gave away to gravity. All of my plans now are ruined. My plan to work at PHC and become a cardiovascular nurse and eventually use the experience to my advantage when I'm able to study again and earn my MSN degree at UCSF.
I know that I'm a control freak. I always plan ahead and ponder on things twice, thrice even four times until I've settled all the consequences of my decision, until it becomes seemingly perfect, although nothing is perfect. When a single piece is changed, I feel anxious, because I'm not used to making decisions so quickly. I'll have no time to think about the consequences of my decision. I'm not born to be a risk-taker, but is it bad?
My friend Gersie is as always the opposite of me, but look at him, he's survived it all, and I believe that if he can do it so can I. All i need perhaps is a push from a friend. But truth is not even my closest friends can because even though they can tell me positive things, it still depends on me whether I step forward or hesitate back.
Today is also Ivy's birthday, she is my bestfriend. She has told me once that she can take me to Dubai. Yesterday she asked me again if I want to go there, and yes I have to ponder again as much as I can if this is good or bad, but this time I have to move on, I have to make a decision, because I just cant stand here and be left out. Luck favors the brave, and so in order for me to succeed I must be strong and resolute. I have to make a choice once and for all."

Uncertainty

There is this lingering feeling of uncertainty that is bothering me these past few days. Its the middle of January and still Philippine Heart Center has not called. I mean they did not promised anything but i am expecting their call this month. This has let me think things over, and I am afraid that this might ruin things I planned before. I am so bored every single day. I perpetually think of things to do just to kill time and everyday becomes a challenge as this load of guilt is becoming more heavy as days pass. I mean, I feel guilty because I am becoming more of a burden than a benefit in my family. Here I am a fully-pledged registered nurse bumming around while my sister who unfortunately wasnt able to finish college due to financial constraints we have is clearly having a promising future. I do sound envious isnt it? But to tell the truth, maybe I am, its normal to feel this way, when a possible threat is perceived we devise defenses, no matter how it sometimes seem lame. I am aware of it, but at the same time I am grateful that my sister's future is becoming brighter. Because together with her promising future is the future of our family as well. I do pray to the Lord that this year be bountiful for all of us.

I still believe in Byrne's "Law of Attraction". I still want to be positive inspite of the depression and despair I have been feeling lately. I am aware that these feelings will only take me down further and is not progressive. I believe that my time will come and great things come to those who wait.

Goofing Around

Here are some of the pictures taken a week ago, with my cousins and my sister. Take a look at them.

This is of course my beautiful sister.

Dont focus on the rubbish in the background.

Speak no evil, hear no evil.

Playing around with matches in black and white.

They are advertising our new favorite brand, Pringles.

Nice legs? nope. he kids around with his sister.

Funny isnt it? whats with the lips again?

Me with my cousin Mikah, the ever so flamboyant and ever so confident girl i knew.

Another picture taken above us. Notice my cousins Kate (wearing green tee) and his brother Emm (wearing white tee), they're born with that lips (^_^)

I personally like this picture. Its perfect. I caught this picture and i am proud of it. It was taken above us.

Not too much pouted isnt it? notice the things hanging in the background? this was taken at my aunt's store.

Look at how we play with our cellphones.

"Enchanted" will make you feel young again

Remember when you were young and you believed in fairytales? C'mon, everybody dreamt of a fairytale or two. When i watched Enchanted, the recent walt disney movie, i felt i was young again, innocent, happy, problem-free, even for just an hour and a half, it actually felt good. A fairytale made with a twist and Mcdreamy, Patrick Dempsey, trully enchanting. Indeed everybody wants a happy ending and you're sure you'll see one if you watch Enchanted.

The Mist kills...for real (^_^)

Recently i was able to watch the movie "The Mist". I just want to say, its terrible, all gibberish talk less action makes it flap and in the end it will leave you feeling regretful you ever saw it and Stephen King must agree. I know its a bit harsh, but i just gotta say that it isnt worth the money. I dont know why they made such a movie, but nevertheless, it gets a 2 out of 5 stars for the effort. (^_^)

EVE Online

A distant memory of a past game which I deem one of the best ive seen, came to me, and i remember Homeworld 2. I really liked that game, and tried searching every game store so that i can have one (i actually have one, i had installed it once, and ive played it too, but it had an untimely demise when my cousin's pc was struck with a virus and eventually it must be reformated. And now for some reason when i try to install it, its corrupted.)

And so I searched for a game like homeworld 2, and i stumbled upon EVE online and "whoah!" is all i can say. Its breath-taking. It's like homeworld but more massive (its because its a Massively Multiplayer Online Game). Its background history is massive either and i cant digest it in just one whole gulp. Its really amazing. I would like to try and play it soon. Here are some of the pictures from its latest expansion. EVE online trinity.

The Amber Spyglass

I am now on chapter 24 of the third book of Philip Pullman's Trilogy. And it gets interesting as I move on to the final chapter. At first it was confusing because Pullman patterned his novel at Milton's Paradise Lost and I am unfamiliar with it, but I managed to stay hooked nonetheless. Lyra Belacqua (the novel's main protagonist) together with Will Parry (the aesahaettr, the bearer of the subtle knife) is now on the land of the dead, I wonder if they will ever get out of there alive? well, i gotta read on.

Happy Days

It is only once a year that a festive drinking spree like this happens, and it is only when my Kuya Jek (my first cousin on my father's side shown here on the picture with a maroon tee) and Ate May (my cousin-in-law who's beside Kuya Jek, wearing a white tee) comes back home from Qatar. Usually they only spend about 2-3 weeks here, and so we make it a point to celebrate as much as we can. C'est la vie as they say, and we agree.

My cousin Bok makes a toast maybe for himself for a success we have never heard of or of my cousin Noah (who's beside him wearing a green tee) for his new job. Noah recently passed the local board exams for nurses. And now he's training at the hospital in San Pedro Laguna, so kudos! for a job well done.

My sister (who's beside me) obviously is drunk at this time, just look at her, and my cousins Peki and Kem (Hans who's on the far right doesnt seem to mind as he just wants to listen to his music).

My sister feigns an act of being drunk after taking 2 jiggers of tequila?? (That's unacceptable).

Just disregard the things hanging up there, its my cousin's stuff.

Kuya Jek and Ate May would be coming back to Qatar tomorrow, and so we say "Bon Voyage!" we'll see each other on May of next year!

Happy days are indeed worth reminiscing and I am thankful i shared this with my cousins.

Cute and Cuddly

See how cute these puppies are? Little puppies make my heart melt. (^_^)

Nature's Contrasts

Today, i thought of sharing what came into my mind of while staring at our garden just moments after i woke up this morning. I noticed, that there are contrasts. There are new budding flowers and there are dying plants. I thought, nature has two sides, but it is just the way every thing's supposed to be, right?

Just as there are plants showing life there are also things that show death. A normal balance mother nature has been doing since its existence. For me i find beauty in things that show death. I remember an interview of Angelina Jolie, she was asked of her point of view about death and i admired her tenacity and courage. She said that she is not afraid to face death. The teachings of Buddha also tell about death and that a person who dreams of nirvana must be willing to accept death. I think we are afraid of death because we have so make so many connections in this earth. Buddha said in order for us to attain nirvana, we must let go of our material and personal possessions because those possessions are what makes us grounded to the present state we are at (always miserable, burdened by problems). This might seem very difficult to understand more so to enforce or do, in fact it is, but the teachings of the Buddha tell something profound.

So much to understand about the nature of things, so much to learn, only, mother nature doesn't tell us directly, it comes to us in the most unexpected way.

A New Tattoo

I really wanted to have a new tatoo. I plan on having this picture (only make it inverted) as a tatoo at my back. What i need now is money. What I gotta have is a job. (^_^)

Transfer

I will transfer some of the things I wrote earlier on my first blog because I would like to dedicate my first blog to topics concerning health, living, politics and the environment only.

A New Start

I decided today to make a new blog to write the things that expire in my everyday life. But my other blog will still be running. I just like to discuss things about health, living, politics and teh environment especially in my original blog. Well, on to blogging.

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