Vanishing Without A Trace

"How do you decide on something you are not sure of?" This question seem to perpetuate itself everytime I find myself alone. I can't find solace nowadays, since this someone came, everything changed. For three days, I brutally endured a seemingly endless pondering of what to do with all the despair and confusion I am going through. I wanted to decide on something, but when I want to put an end on my suffering, I seem to hold back to just wait, just for a moment, because maybe I'm analyzing this too much or I am wrong.

Since the beginning, when I met him, a certain fear grew in me. I had a prediction, somehow, I knew that somewhere along the road, there will come a time, that this would happen. That I must decide on something that will either end our relationship or continue on to the unknown. I tried to reason out everything to save what I feel for him, but to my dismay, everything I have and feel for him, is like my relationship with him. It seems that it is impossible to establish something out of something vague. There is nothing sure about long distance relationships. It is always hard to maintain. But is it through that kind of difficulty that a relationship is tested? Maybe, I am just thinking too much, or maybe I set my expectations too high, maybe there is nothing between us, nothing really is, maybe its just wishful thinking, but whatever the reason is, I cant seem to justify all of it, because the truth remains elusive. It is not wrong to have wishful thinking I guess, but what is important is that we have a grasp of understanding between reality and imagination, between what is enough and what is too much.

I thought somehow that I may be over analyzing this, I really want to give this another try, but for now what is clear and palpable to me is my focus. I need to distract myself from these unhealthy thoughts. The decision is still left for me to take, but I will find it soon I guess. I may founder and stumble, but it is on these circumstances that we become strong.